OFFICIAL MINNESOTA TEMPERATURE CONVERSION CHART:
60 ABOVE: Arizonians turn on the heat. People in Minnesota plant gardens.
45 ABOVE: Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans sunbathe.
32 ABOVE: Distilled water freezes. Lake Superior water gets thicker.
20 ABOVE: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.
15 ABOVE: Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Minnesota have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
ZERO: People in Miami die. Minnesotans lick the flagpole.
40 BELOW: The Iditarod is postponed. The Twins start spring training.
55 BELOW: Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Minnesota Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
80 BELOW: Mt. St. Helen freezes. People in Minnesota rent some videos.
100 BELOW: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesotans get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.
297 BELOW: Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products. Cows in Minnesota complain about farmers with cold hands.
460 BELOW: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.) People in Minnesota start saying....... "Cold nuff for ya?"
500 BELOW: Hell freezes over. The Vikings win the Super Bowl!!!!